Cohesive devices: oceanic whitetip shark
Whiteboard Challenges
Laurie, aged 11, is passionate about sharks. As you can see by his letter opposite, he is deeply concerned by the impact of shark finning on shark populations. He has written a letter to the UK government in the hope that it will take the lead on calling for a worldwide ban on shark finning. Could his letter be improved by using some of the cohesive devices outlined on the previous page?
Challenge 1
What words could Laurie use to avoid repetition? Think about possible synonyms and pronouns. Some of the words on the Word Wall may be of use.
Challenge 2
Which conjunctive adverbials could Laurie use to improve his text cohesion? Remember, these are words that link information between sentences and paragraphs. Some of the words on the Word Wall may be of use.
Challenge 3
Laurie needs to round off his letter with a great concluding paragraph that summarises his thoughts and feelings and ends with a call to action (what exactly does he want the UK Government to do?). See if you can write a great concluding paragraph for Laurie.
Whiteboard Challenges
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to you because I am deeply concerned for the future of shark species around the world. Shark numbers are decreasing at a rapid rate. One of the main reasons for this is shark finning. Shark finning involves catching sharks and slicing off their fins so that they can be sold in supermarkets and restaurants around the world. Here are some reasons why governments around the world must work together to help protect sharks.
Sharks have the right to live and not suffer in the hands of humans. Shark finning is clearly an extremely cruel practice. Once sharks are caught, their fins are sliced off and they are often thrown back into the sea, where they either drown or bleed to death.
The presence of sharks is essential to the existence of healthy marine ecosystems. By removing them, food chains become out of balance and biodiversity decreases dramatically.
Sharks have helped humans in many ways. An understanding of sharks has helped with advances in medicine, sport and engineering. For example, because sharks rarely fall ill, a study of shark skin led to the creation of an antibacterial spray that has helped millions of people avoid being infected by harmful viruses.
Please do what you can to help shark populations. I would love to hear back from you.
Yours faithfully,
Laurie Davidson, aged 11